I Would Do Anything to Turn Back Time and Say No

Sober man
Photo by Marjan Apostolovic/Shutterstock.com

I did have a good, healthy life once upon a time. I had a happy marriage and three beautiful kids. My work and drive to succeed and provide a good life for my family were out of this world. That’s not anything to brag about, but it is something to be proud of, what one must remember is that this is actually normal. That is what a good human being does and how he lives a normal life, this was all in a period of my life when I did not drink alcohol in excess and did not touch drugs.

Things did, however, take a dramatic downturn for me and this all started in the blink of an eye. How much I wish I didn’t take that first line of cocaine seven years ago. I would do anything to turn back the time and say NO. I had a difficult time just before this when I lost someone that was very close to me. He must be so disappointed in how things played out for me after his death. Ultimately, I hold myself responsible for my own demise. I was bitter at how my best person was taken from me so suddenly, and although I thought the drink and drugs were helping with my pain, I am fully aware that all they did was throw me further down the chute.

The day I took that first line of cocaine, I let the possessed devil out of me and sent my life towards the gates to hell. That one action was the beginning of my own ethics and morals being compromised, and deep down, I knew it.

The drugs and alcohol got worse and worse over the next seven years, from cocaine to ketamine to ecstasy and then back to cocaine. The amount of alcohol and drug-fueled binges I had was horrible. I lost my mind and went from having one-day parties to eventually going through three to four days with no food or sleep but just simply using alcohol and drugs to carry me on.

I cheated on my wife and hurt my kids and my family. They could all see what I was becoming and I knew deep down I was destroying myself. I knew for years I had this alcohol and drug problem, and it was out of control. I knew it deep down in my heart, but in my mind, I kept telling myself, “I got this.” It’s hard to accept how weak I had become and was, in a way, embarrassed. I was never this weak person. “I have a problem with alcohol or drugs? Never!!” I told myself, but I did.

I saw a therapist, and it helped for a while, it would help in the short term, but it didn’t cure the long-term problem. That problem was me and my mind. I didn’t have enough time off the alcohol and drugs to be able to see things for what they really were. I gave my wife no choice and am sitting here writing this today and can honestly say I am to blame for my divorce and the heartbreak I have caused my family. Alcohol and drugs made me a disloyal, selfish person who acted impulsively and made so many bad choices.

I was eventually trapped in my own conscience, guilt and the toxic life I had made. Something had to change because deep down, I knew this wasn’t me, and I wasn’t happy. My cousin was at Narconon and was doing really well. Truly admitting you have a problem is the first step. I gave my word I would come here and I stuck to it. The Narconon programme is truly amazing, and the staff is so selfless and I can only ever have the deepest gratitude towards them. They give up their own time to save someone else’s life, and I believe that is so special. How many people do you know that can say they have done that? I’m truly sitting here right now writing this with the belief they have saved my life.

I am at the end of my program and will literally graduate any day. It hasn’t been easy by any means, but remember, you have to work for the best things in life. When I first came, I went through withdrawal, which helped me get back to reality. Then I did the detox stage, which cleared my body of toxins I had accumulated not just whilst on drink and drugs but in my life. Thirdly, I have done what they call Objectives, which I would describe as fixing my mind and regaining abilities I once had or learning how to do them better. Yes, they are challenging, to say the least. It’s a roller-coaster journey on the way to getting clean. Emotional, sure, but you can really find yourself again through the process, and I believe I have. I felt like giving up and walking out on many occasions, but knew that would only lead back to the road to unhappiness.

After Objectives, it was on to stage four, which was in the course room, and I did the life skills courses, which consisted of Overcoming Ups & Downs in Life, Personal Values and Changing Conditions in Life. Wow!! I learnt so much about myself and how I had previously been living my destructive life while on these three courses. I could put my life into perspective and had answers to why my life took the turn it did. I also learnt skills in how to identify things in the future and make sure they don’t happen again. I don’t have enough paper to explain everything I have learned here, but I know it’s going to stand me in good stead in the future.

I have a second chance in life and I owe that to the Narconon programme and the staff. I have already started to repair the relationships I damaged and have a brilliant exit strategy in place. I am days away from graduating and leaving and I know I will live a happy life and be successful. I am so thankful to my family that cares about me and stood by me and I am determined to show them it wasn’t to waste.

“I would say if you are considering whether or not you should do this programme, I think deep down you already know the answer.”

I would say if you are considering whether or not you should do this programme, I think deep down you already know the answer.

Remember, you can’t put a price on time, so why waste any more of it? The past is the past, and it can’t be changed, but the future is what matters, and you have yours in your hands

Narconon Student



Alice is passionate about helping others get off drugs at Narconon UK.